Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
