I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
