sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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