How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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