my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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