the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
