I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
