I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
