yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
