Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
