It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
