I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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