just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
