It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
