There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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