You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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