I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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