I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
