just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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