I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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