I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
