If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
