I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
