You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
