Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
