He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
