the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
