God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
