I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
