she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
