In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize