If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
