It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
