I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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