just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
