If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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