What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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