I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
