i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
