Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
