It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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