i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
