Duck Duck Cougar?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
