Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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