Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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