Screwed.edu
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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