I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
