The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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