Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
