I am spending my child support on dildos
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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