i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
