I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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