I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
