i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
