my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
