is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
