do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
