She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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