people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
