What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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