so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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