Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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