This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
