WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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