U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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