i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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