I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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