I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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