i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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