His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
