how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
