ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
