your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
