Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what day is it and did you see me today?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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