What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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