just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize