Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
whose parrot is this?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
