Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
