Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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