i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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