Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
